


all these guessing games

by futureteens



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Codependency, College AU, Everyone Is Alive, F/M, High School AU, M/M, Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, Richie Tozier Has ADHD, Some Reddie, Stanley Uris Has OCD, also mentioned are the bad sides of mental illnesses, some hanbrough, some stozier, there's a little bit of stanpat, unrequited literally everything else, what more can u want
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-03
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-15 17:40:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,245
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29812023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/futureteens/pseuds/futureteens
Summary: stan loves bill so much it aches inside of him, though he's constantly worried that things will never work out right for him.follows the ever-forming losers club through their senior year of high school to their freshman year of college.
Relationships: Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris
Comments: 1
Kudos: 8





	all these guessing games

**Author's Note:**

> the title for this fic (and chapters) is from come on, guys by worst party ever  
> the playlist for this fic can be found here : https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2aaKobCzbNLwJn16ecnFIO?si=HCP7ZXK6T4aWoyiNuY6-Dg

Things were different now, or they were supposed to be, Stan figured. Senior year, that’s what would make it all worthwhile. None of this would be manageable if they were doing another year again. Senior year was the only motivation Stan had left. 

Stan walked towards his locker, doing his best to shuffle through a crowd of students. The dismissal bell still ringing in his ears. Calculus BC always lasted too long, having it last period had almost put him to sleep several times. Richie, down the hall, was rushing out of English. He stuffed his messy notes into his bag that hung over one shoulder. Nothing Richie ever wrote seemed of any importance, his notes were just that, made for him only. Oftentimes, his papers were nothing more than scribbled notes to himself or small drawings of anything that crossed his mind during class. Somehow though, these made perfect sense to him.

It was both an astonishment and a miracle that Richie was sixth in their class rank. How he managed to be good at everything with such ease baffled Stan. There had been a few times in the past that Stan had tried to borrow Richie’s notes, but the small drawing of an octopus and random numbers in the margins didn’t help him one bit, he was left only feeling more confused. _Richie’s notes should come with a manual to decode them._

“Stanley the Manly! How have you been doing? How was calc?” Richie threw his arms around Stan’s shoulders, which made Stan curl in on himself. “I’m coming over tonight, right?” he continued, giving Stan a wide smile, both thumbs-up, and raised his eyebrows with a face that shouted, ‘you can’t turn this away.’

Stan had a hard time focusing on anything Richie was saying, more worried about the way Richie’s hands hung on him, like a dense fog, but he worked out a quiet, “Fine… and yeah, of course, it’s Friday, Rich.” He didn’t want to make Richie concerned, but none of these things were abnormal for Stanley, he had been fretting over small touches since they were younger. _Not that it mattered much to Richie._

There was a quick move as Stan jerked his shoulders away from Richie’s grip, but Richie didn't think too much of it as he began to talk again; he was doing what he did best, ignoring obvious signs and changing the topic at rapid speed. The worst part was Richie knew what he was doing when he was changing the subject like that, though there was a part of himself that couldn’t control the urge, if he didn’t get what he had to say out, it might slip away from him.

“Y’know the girl in our psych class, the redhead?” He turned to Stan to look for an answer, or any sign that he was listening. He was, of course. Of all their friends, _Stan was always the best at listening._

Stan cleared his throat, nodding, “Oh - uh, yeah, Bever-” he bit back a comment as Richie cut him off, the word left unfinished at the front of his mind. It had taken years of being Richie’s friend to let things like this slide, he used to continue talking over him, but now it was easier _and better_ to let it go.

“Marsh- yeah, have you seen her webcam? I heard she gets naked! You’re probably into that,” he teased, cracking a large smile, and pushing his glasses, that were being held together by a thick roll of duct tape at the hinges, up the bridge of his nose. Their conversations often jumped as Richie tried to fill in every second, especially when he felt like Stan was taking too long to answer.

They both did it with their friend Bill too, if his stutter was getting bad, they both tried to finish his sentences — Richie, mostly because he wanted to keep the conversation going, but for Stan it got under his skin, _spit it out_. It was never something he would admit to anyone else. He didn’t want to come out as rude, the stutter made it hard to listen to; he only wanted to help.

Stan wrinkled up his nose, “Really?” His word was blunt, coming out a bit louder in disbelief, though he wasn’t truly trying to question Richie. He hadn’t ever thought of her like that; in fact, he hadn’t ever thought of anyone like that. She seemed so private, it was hard to believe she would do that, but Richie was always the first to know things. It seemed, at times, like he had his own insiders for everything.

The two walked out the side entrance, side by side, which made it a hassle for anyone else trying to leave. Stan tried to pretend it didn’t cross his mind when their shoulders rubbed against each other. The minute they made it out the door, he moved away trying to let himself loosen up outside.

His car was a small walk down the street, the parking lot was usually full by the time he made it back from his dual enrollment class. Stan drove himself to school every day, which meant that every day Richie would pretend to have a ride until last period and complain about not wanting to walk home. Today was no different.

The drive back to Richie's house was okay, though the boy wanted to play his music as loud as possible. Stan let him, not wanting to upset Richie, who could tend to be sensitive about things. He would never admit it, but Stan was pretty sure that Richie didn't think any of his friends liked him.

When they got to Richie's house Stan sat on the couch as he waited for the other to get his things for the night and then get a quick shower since he hated showering at Stan's house. It was okay for Stan though; he was worried that Richie’s hair would clog their drain anyways.

Finally, much to Stan’s delight, they were at his house. Stan's mom, Andrea, sat at the island in the middle of their kitchen, reading. When she saw that the boys were home, she quickly got up to ask them what they wanted for dinner.

"Oh! Can we get sushi this time?" Richie asked Stan, turning to give him big puppy eyes, something that he knew was an easy way to get Stan on his side. He didn’t know, but it was mostly because Stan was afraid of upsetting Richie, or any of his friends. He didn’t want to be all alone. "You said that if we got Thai food last week, we could get sushi this week!" Richie had a near perfect memory, so the fact that he brought it up didn't surprise Stan.

"Yeah. Of course. Sushi is fine with me, should we pick it up or order it?" he asked, though he turned to direct his question to his mother since she would be the one paying for the order.

"If you boys want, you can order it. If not, you have a car, you can go get it. My card is on the counter." Stan wouldn't say his parents were rich, but he didn't have to worry about the delivery fee, which is how they settled on ordering in. It would be easier, and he really didn't feel like driving with Richie in the car again. It made Stan's stress far too high.

Out of courtesy, Stan turned to his mom again, “Should we order anything for you or dad.” He knew that she tended to just make dinners for the two of them, so he wasn’t expecting actually to, but he also knew his mother liked his perfect manners.

Richie had already been looking at a menu while they were talking, and Stan, now looking at him, broke him out of his search for what to order. “Richie - did you hear me?”

"Huh?" He mumbled, face falling when he realized he had missed what Stan said. It was clear that he had selective listening, at least a little bit.

"No - I just... I just said we can order in, that way we can watch a movie or something while we wait for it,” Stan said, grabbing the debit card from the kitchen and then coming back out to Richie with it in his hand.

Stan and Richie, having done this every week, had about exhausted Netflix’s good movie offering. They had little choice for anything else.

"Did you want to put on parks and rec again? we've gotten pretty far into it!" Richie offered, knowing that Stan and his tastes in movies tended to be quite different and going through the list tended to be a hassle. He then followed it up with: "Should we go down to the basement, I know you don't really like when we make a huge mess in the living room."

The downstairs of the Uris' home had been turned into a family room, where the lot of his friends had spent their early teen years since the lot of them usually wanted to stay at Stan's house instead. He nodded, following Richie down who was distracted by his phone and trying to pick out what he wanted to eat from the sushi restaurant across town.

He passed the phone off to Stan when he picked out what he wanted, and then when they were both done Stan paid for it using his parents’ card.

Richie was quite impatient, but it tended to show the most when he was waiting for food, he would get overdramatic, refreshing the delivery app to find out when it would be there or why it was taking so long. Stan didn't mind, he had gotten used to Richie's mannerisms, or at least some of them.

He turned the tv on, before getting to Netflix and turning on parks and rec, though neither of them were really paying any attention. They were both too drawn into their phones to care until Richie got the text that their food was on the way.

They went upstairs to sit in the living room while they waited. Richie casually set his head in Stan's lap when he laid on the couch, and as much as Stan didn't want to be rude, the gesture felt like it was eating him alive. He stared down at the boy, the world around him felt completely dulled out, a small ringing in his ears. He was hyper aware of everything, exactly how the boy felt in his lap and how it made him feel absolutely sick.

"Uh- Rich- can you move I gotta use the bathroom really quick?" he slid the boy over, wiping his hands on his pants afterwards, hoping the other didn't notice. "If the food comes you can just grab it and go back downstairs if you want."

He quickly went to the bathroom, though he mostly hovered over the sink, not actually needing to use it. He turned the faucet on. Now this was a delicate routine. He slowly washed his hands, trying to avoid himself in the mirror. He felt too guilty, Richie was his best friend, he shouldn't feel so disgusted by him. It was wrong to feel like that. it's not like Richie was dirty, he never smelled bad. Stan didn't know why the feeling clung on him if he didn't physically remove it. He grabbed the paper towels, using it to turn the water off, and then opened the door of the bathroom. It felt like no matter what his hands being unclean was inevitable.

He hated that.

Stan walked up to his bedroom, trying to sneak past the living room. He needed to change, his guilt left him feeling hot and sticky. The last thing he wanted was to be in his nice button up and possibly ruin it with sweat. Stan knew it was unnecessary for him to do all this. He reminded himself every time, but he couldn't stop himself from constantly thinking about it if he didn't give in, and somehow that was worse than all these rituals.

He pulled a t- shirt and sweatpants on after neatly putting his clothes in the dirty laundry and then headed back downstairs. Richie still sat in the living room and for his own selfish needs, Stan decided this time he would stay standing.

Hours later, they had eaten, the two laid on the couch, a rerun of parks and recreation playing in the background. Richie was busy glancing up at the screen and then to his phone, sometimes even stealing a glance at Stan.

Stan cleared his throat in the silence. “So how did you even find out about Beverly’s webcam? Were you looking for it?” Stan asked, looking up from his own mindless scrolling through his phone as if the question hadn’t been running through his mind for the past several hours.

Richie shook his head, kicking him softly, “No! What do you think I am? I, Richie Tozier, respect women.” His voice slipped into something more authoritative, though all his voices had the same northern accent to them- it was the part of himself that he couldn’t shake.

Stan rolled his eyes, not wanting to open the box that was Richie’s second half of the question: “Okay, then how did you hear about it?”

“A kid in my English class, I overheard him talking about it.” There was a pause, small sounds of Richie kicking the blankets on his lap around and then a small thump when his phone hit the carpet. “Do you wanna look for it?” he asked, quickly getting up to grab it from the floor.

Stan bit back the nerves he was feeling; he was a teenage boy, that should be exactly what he wanted to look at. He nodded, sliding closer to Richie, though he kept up his act. His voice this time around was a bit quiet: “What happened to respecting women?”

All that he got in lieu of a response was a hand waved in his face. “She might not even be on, dude. We’re checking. C’mon Stanley, don’t be such a pussy.” There was a groan, but Stan complied.

“Just see if she’s online.”

Richie searched for her stream and as Stan suspected, he was quick to find it. “It says she’s live right now.”

There was a silence in the room, both not truly wanting to know what they were about to see, but when the page loaded it was nothing more than a girl listening to music and drawing — fully clothed.

Bev leaned into the webcam, glancing to see who joined her live stream. She waved but didn’t say anything as she returned to her art.

“Do you think she would flash her tits if I asked nicely?” Richie asked through laughter.

Stan elbowed him in the side, rolling his eyes. He knew Richie didn’t mean it, but sometimes his pervy jokes got to him.

The two boys were moderately surprised, but Stan was more relieved than anything that he didn’t have to see her nude, he didn’t really know if he could ever go back to seeing her any other way.

They watched for a bit, though Richie spent most of his time talking over the stream, no longer really paying attention. Beverly had soft music playing in the back of her stream and that plus her soft scribbling made for a nice soundtrack for their night.

Eventually, Stan made up a bed on the floor, blowing up an old air mattress, while Richie scrolled through every horror movie title that Netflix had to offer. “ooh what about this one?” he offered, stopping over Killer Klowns From Outer Space. Stan glanced to the tv and then to Richie with a pout: “We watched a horror movie last week; can’t we pick something else? Just leave Parks and Rec on, it was fine…”

Richie sighed, defeated, as he threw himself back onto the air mattress with a groan and clicked on the show again. The two were content for a while, each scrolling through their phones. Though, after a while, Richie broke the silence with a flop off the air mattress.

“Stannn, I’m hungry,” he groaned. He quickly crawled to his feet, before rushing out to the kitchen.

Stan followed Richie into his kitchen. “You want cereal?” The disbelief rang through in his voice as he stared at the boy in front of him. “Rich, it’s almost 2! My dad is going to throw a fit!”

“Oh hush, Donald loves me,” Richie insisted, reaching up to grab the box of Trix from his cupboard.

Richie’s shirt rode up over his hips as he stretched and Stan quickly looked away, shaking his head.

“Yeah, my dad loves me too, but I don’t think he’d be too fond of me eating out of the box with all the lights off!”

Richie rolled his eyes, “Fine we can turn one light on in here, and who cares if I’m eating out of the box - my hands are clean!”

Stan scrunched up his nose, grabbing the box out from Richie’s hands, before shaking his head: “Absolutely not, Tozier, I have no idea where your hands have been, but I know for a fact they will not be in my cereal box.”

“But Stanthony, my love, what am I to do? Starve in your good home? Oh, please have mercy on me?” he asked, slipping into the voice of a southern belle.

"I don't think me taking mercy on you means that I would let you put your hands in my cereal box, I think it means I let you stay here for the rest of the night after you've put your hands in my cereal box." Stan teased, cheeks still a little red from the glimpse of Richie he had gotten.

Richie rolled his eyes, "fine fine, I’ll get a bowl is that what you want from me?" he asked, reaching back up into the cupboard to pull a bowl down. This time Stan could see the entirety of his v line and he didn't look away. It felt weird, that given all their past Stan still felt so inherently embarrassed about seeing Richie like this. That now, when they were no longer anything, that it was more embarrassing for him to see that part of Richie. That should be for someone who actually deserved that part of the boy. Stan had proven himself to clearly not deserve it.

The two had been in a half-formed, preteen relationship, or whatever that means for two boys who wanted to kiss but could barely look at each other in any other context. They were both too nervous to ask the other out, so their nights, a lot like now, would be the two of them watching movies all night and trying to avoid the other's glance. Though then, Stan was afraid of the other catching the way he stared, now he couldn't look at his friend out of pure guilt for everything he felt like he had put him through. Maybe Richie deserved better friends, maybe Mike and Bill and Eddie should just be friends without him. He hardly thought he deserved such nice people in his life. They were all too good for him.

He looked at Richie, handing over the box of cereal in his hands. "Here, there's almond milk and 2% in the fridge, you can have your pick of either." Stan told him. Stan's throat now felt incredibly dry, that the memory had come back and taken everything out of him. He should have been there for Richie, not drawing away any time they got close.

What had happened to him those last few years?

How did he get like this?

He shook his head, almost as if he could shake those thoughts away, though as Stan always relearned, it, sadly, didn't work like that.

Richie got himself cereal, pouring in the milk and then lead the other back down into the basement. He sat down on the floor; he knew from years of being close to stan that the boy would have a bit of a meltdown if he ate food on the furniture. He could remember when they were in ninth grade when Stan first got nitpicky like that. He thought that the meds he had been put on made it better, though he didn't honestly know if Stan even took them anymore and it didn't really seem like the kind of thing he could casually ask him.

When he was done, he set the bowl up on the end table. He should've known that was a bad idea when Stan quickly got up to grab it and take it upstairs. He feared the thought that it would get gross overnight, that it would crawl with bugs, or that it would, somehow, in the 8 hours that they would hopefully get, grow mold.

Stan rinsed it in the sink and then loaded it into the dishwasher, before quickly going right back to washing his hands. His parents had done a lot to help around Stan's disorder, but he found that one of the easiest things for him was paper towels by every sink. He didn't have to worry about turning the faucet off with his hands then. Though it got worse they would find their son doing the best he could to turn the faucet off with his shirt that wouldn't stretch that far.

Stan went back downstairs, happy to find that now Richie was finally content, blankets pulled up to his nose and curled up on the air mattress. He had taken the liberty of turning the lights off, and Stan curled up on the couch to fall asleep.

Richie woke up much earlier than stan and by the time Stan did finally wake up, he found his friend's nose deep in Beverly's stream. He rubbed his eyes tiredly.

"How often does she run that?" he asked, voice groggy, as he sat up.

Richie leaned back, offering the phone closer to Stan to show what he was looking at. "It seems like it's almost 24/7. I think it was up all night - do you think she leaves it on while she sleeps?" he asked, eyes getting a little wide. "just imagine if she had like a wet dream or something? That'd be crazy."

Stan shot him a glance that was a quick equivalent of 'stop talking,' and Richie looked back at his phone.

"Maybe she's just been up all night, Rich, you don't know. I doubt she sleeps with it on unless she's trying to catch a ghost on camera or something." Stan laughed.

Richie seemed entirely fascinated by her, he was set out to get to know her now. She seemed a lot cooler through the screen than she ever had when he sat behind her in psych.

Stan wasn't entirely sure he understood the boy's fascination with Bev, but he just nodded a little as he started to go on about her.

She finally looked up from her drawing again, leaning into the camera. "mmm," her tongue was tucked between her teeth and she looked worn out, bags under her eyes, and a paleness that made Stan wonder if she was sick. "yeah. I think it's done."

Bev flipped her sketchbook around; it was a portrait. It was insanely good, neither boy could deny that, but neither of them could place who it was. The boy in the picture looked very familiar.

A comment popped up on the screen, it was the first Richie had seen in the half an hour he had been watching her and switching between a few other apps.

*b.h.99: Oh, it looks so good! Thank you so much Beverly <3*

Richie clicked on the user of the commenter, and it clicked. The drawing was Ben Hanscom. The two hadn't had a class together since his freshman biology class. The boy's physical appearance had changed a lot, he had hit a growth spurt - he looked good now for sure. Richie had even said it in passing to Stan a few times. 

Richie showed the screen to Stan who had pretty much lost interest and gone onto his own phone to go through his texts he had gotten overnight. "It's Ben Hanscom." he announced, smiling a little bit, proud of himself, though he had done no real detective work other than clicking onto the profile.

"Oh wow... He looks really different now." Stan said, though he wasn't sure if he really remembered what he looked like to begin with. However, he did now remember seeing both Ben and Bev together several times in the halls, so that made sense that it would be who her portrait was of.

Richie closed out of the stream, now bored after all that, happy that Stan was awake to entertain him. "So, what are we going to do today?"

Stan felt exhausted, if he could have his way, he would take Richie home right now, but he knew that a night with Richie was lucky to not turn into a weekend with Richie. Stan shrugged, "we can go to the mall - I don't care, what do you want to do?" He asked, feeling a little bad for how much he lacked interest. It didn't matter to him much what they did, he mostly wanted to do it and then get it over with.

Richie nodded. "yeah - no - the mall sounds great, actually, we haven't gone there in a few weeks. Maybe we could swing by the used games in the next plaza over?" he asked, "I bet Bill's working today, we could go pay him a little visit." The boy tended to get in over his head with plans, no matter what they were trying to do.

"Yeah, let me just go get ready - you can use the bathroom down here if you want to shower-" it was an empty offer, he knew Richie had showered the night before, but he figured he'd put it on the table anyways. "I'll be back."

Between Richie procrastinating getting up and Stan taking a shower, it was another hour before they got out of the house.

Their drive was a lot calmer, Richie was preoccupied with an article, so Stan didn't have to worry about him distracting him.

The mall was a bit boring, Stan didn't really want to shop, so it was just a few hours of following behind Richie as he dragged them back and forth across the mall, debating on what to spend his most recent paycheck on. He tended to spend money as soon as he got it.

Richie brought Stan into the pet store and insisted that they get one of the dogs out to play with. Stan didn't mind much, though he tried to not touch it. The bathroom was on the other side, and all the store had to offer as far as cleaning was hand sanitizer.

When they left, Stan drove them down to the used games, though much to both of their dismays, Bill was, in fact, not working. That didn't stop Richie from spending another hour looking through every shelf in the store. Stan didn't play many video games, but he didn't mind looking through their comic books, as small as the section was. It kept him busy and not chasing the other around the store.

"Are you ready to go?" Richie asked, coming over to Stan as he crumpled his receipt and shoved it into his pocket.

Stan nodded, following behind Richie out of the store, and getting back in the car. "It's late, I should probably be getting you home." Stan brought it up first, he was too tired to go through another night with Richie. Everything was leaving him so burnt out lately, but he was trying to just attribute it to the beginning of senior year being harder than years previous.

"Yeah, you can just drop me off, I got my bag with me."

Stan got into his car, trying to focus on driving Richie home, though he was already getting dark out and driving at night always made him anxious. Especially so when his passenger wouldn't stop trying to distract him. He couldn't handle the way in which Richie was reckless, he would try to show Stan things on his phone while he was driving constantly.

When they finally got to Richie’s house, Stanley let a small sigh of relief out. The stressful part was over at least, his drive home would be a lot more manageable.

Richie got out of the car, slamming the door shut behind him, something that made Stan cringe a little bit. He couldn't stand how loud the noise was, it caught him off guard nearly every time.

He followed Richie into his house, rolling his eyes as the boy pleaded for Stan to join him in a round of Super Smash Bros. The truth was Richie didn't want their time together to end yet, he wanted Stan to stay forever.

Just for once, he wanted Stan to linger in his doorway, to take his time leaving because soon, after graduation, this wouldn't be a thing they could do anymore. They would be going to different schools and Richie *truly* feared being without his best friend.

Stan sat down on the couch beside Richie, agreeing to one game. Richie slid a little closer, just so their thighs were touching, but Stan grew uncomfortable and pulled away from him, sighing a little. After the game, Stan was wracking his brain for any way to get out of another round that he knew the other would try to tempt him with. He liked Richie, a lot, but he was so on edge, he didn't think he could take another twenty minutes that he knew the game would take.

Eventually, with a lot of hesitation, Richie let the boy go home, trying to not complain too much.

It was hard for him to accept the fact that Stan couldn't see how much he was attached to him.

Stan went out to his car, sitting in it for a moment as he just let himself breathe, taking the time to himself as a gift. He had been surrounded by others, practically smothered by Richie, he wanted a second by himself. Even in this, Stan still felt selfish, he shouldn’t shut his friends out because he was overwhelmed.

Richie was really his best friend, but the boy could really be overwhelming when he wouldn't take no for an answer with most things and Stan really didn't want to be rude.

He backed out of Richie's driveway, before driving down the street to the park, pulling into their parking lot. He didn't want to go home just yet. His phone buzzed in his pockets and he pulled it out to check what it was since the car was off. He didn't want to interact much with others, especially not when he was trying so hard to give himself a break, but nonetheless, he opened it up to see Bill's text.

_‘do u wanna hang out sometime next week?’_ read the text, making Stan smile a little bit. It was rare for Bill to talk to any of them besides Mike outside of school, so it came as a big surprise.

**Author's Note:**

> you can follow me on tumblr @winterstenbrough. come tell me what you think, i'm desperate <3 feel free to comment & leave kudos too !!


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